ECHOES OF VALENTINE

You can't run from who you are. No matter how far or how fast you go, to the ends of the earth and back again, the shadow of your past is always just one step behind. I tried to outrun it; changed my name, disappeared, thought i could ...leave everything behind. And here i am, right back in the mess, such is life!!. I always thought maybe the best way to keep people close to you safe is to walk away, the veracity i can't confirm though. Guess i'm on a fast track and need to bring you up to date.




My name is Valentine and my buddies call me lover-boy. 'Valentine' is a name i chose few years ago when i decided to change my name but the attribute 'lover-boy' has been with me all my life. I grew up handsome and loved by all especially by the women folks, most boys wished to be in my shoes. As a kid, i used to hear stories of how some ladies usually kissed me beyond normal when they carry 'baby Val' or even caressed sensitive parts of my body.




Mum really had a hard time shielding me from 'predators' but i found myself moving in same direction as i grew. I wouldn't bore you with details of my childhood escapades with girls of my age but it might interest you to know i was barely of age when i also heard of how one of my elderly female cousins made love to 'child Val' who was about four years old. Obviously, there were some exploitations that went unnoticed too.




Once in a while, i was usually caught in the act either in a crooked corner in the primary school i attended, my compound and even in the church. By the time i got to secondary school, i had already perfected in covering my tracks but already had a notorious reputation. People would assume i've done it again even when i've not, but my notoriety seemed to spark up curiosity in most girls and they always come running into my web.




A detailed story of my life should make a size-able book (i'm considering its compilation) but to cut a long story short, my dad died while i was still in the secondary school and my mum managed to see my secondary school education to completion. Of course i'm not a dunce; i cleared my papers in one sitting. With no one to sponsor my education further, i became idle and closer to my tout friends.




Often-times i stayed away from home for days and became a real thorn in my mum's flesh. I returned one day to meet mum's absence, people were gathered in my house talking in low tones with sad expressions. It turned out my mum slumped at the market and was rushed to the hospital. She has been battling with high blood pressure which was precipated either by my dad's death or my mischieves. Few days later, she was discharged and i, for the umpteenth time got scores of advices from concerned friends and relatives on how my life-style was a contributing factor to mum's ill health.




This time i got the message because i can't forget the sobberness and how my heart leapt out of me on seeing the scenerio at my house the day my mum slumped. I was greatly relieved when it turned out she survived. I woke up early one morning, told my mum i was leaving, assured her of my safety, disappeared and changed my name to Valentine. It was while at Lagos that i changed my ways and became a devoted Christian. I called mum once in a while and even sent her money but refused divulging information on my whereabout and means of livelihood, i only told her of my repentance which she obviously doubted though she seemed happy at the news. I have this plan to travel home pretty soon and surprise mum with the changes in me but something disastrous happened recently.




My pastor passed away few months ago. I am an usher in my church and have exhibited such humility and devotion in my duty over the last two years that i've gained popularity and risen to be the head of my unit. Condolences and burial arrangement started after my pastors's death; i organised my unit (especially the ladies) to take turns going to the parsonage to help the pastor's family. I went there one afternoon to over-see things for myself but met only the pastor's wife. The two ladies on duty from my unit had gone to the market, i decided to hang around a bit and keep her company owing to her present predicament which solitude can worsen.




One thing led to the other and i found her in my arms while i consoled her, my body system responded owing to my few years of celibacy and...ughm... Well we did it!! We enjoyed it and regretted it too, we decided to keep it a secret (you can imagine its gravity) as it was a mistake and never allow ourselves be alone together again to avoid a re-occurence. Its now three months since our pastor was been buried and another pastor has come to replace him.




Just yesterday, our former pastor's wife called me to report her pregnancy for me, the doctor said her fetus is four months old and she attested she didn't meet her late husband two months before he passed away because he was on a seventy days fasting and prayer program when he left. I can't explain the frustration i feel now; even when i've tried to change, it keeps coming back to me and even worse than before :::SOBBING:::

WHAT TO EXPECT FROM YOUR FIRST (1ST) PHYSIOTHERAPY SESSION

The first (1st) physiotherapy session can be likened to the; cross-examination in a law court, anxiety of a patient been reeled into a theatre, anticipation of a kid for a promised toy, endurance of a sportsman, hope in a supernatural being and thrill at how it all turns out to be in the end, no wonder physiotherapy is the magic of modern medicine!

To the first-timer, the thought of physiotherapy sparks off certain feelings ranging from curiosity to fear, to expectations and to excitement. In most cases, one feels disappointed or inpatient as the actual therapy session is delayed till a proper assessment of the patient's condition is carried out by the physiotherapist. By and by, a good physiotherapist will carry the patient along through every process using proper communication skills; as such a patient is free to ask questions where and when necessary and above all be patient enough as endurance is the hallmark of physiotherapy.

A physiotherapy session (especially the first) begins with a clinical assessment during which a patient is expected to supply accurate sincere answers to the questions asked by the physiotherapist. An ideal sequence goes as follows;

i. Bio-data - the patient is expected to supply information pertaining to his/her names, age, sex, address of residence and work, occupation, religion, place of origin, next of kin, phone numbers, etc.

ii. Complaint - here the patient briefly states the symptoms why he/she sought physiotherapy.

iii. Case history - this will require a detailed narration from the patient of when and how the symptoms started and immediate/previous actions taken to remedy the situation. if referred for the physiotherapy, the patient also states so and by whom.

iv. Family/social history - this stage may be difficult for some patients as they are expected to divulge information pertaining to personal life-style like size of family, smoking and drinking habits, sex life, toilet facility, source of drinking water, etc.

v. Past medical history - this includes information on past medical history of the patient and if any, means of managing it so far.

After the 'cross-examination' a patient is expected to move with the physiotherapist to the next stage called 'observation'. This is where the therapist carries out some measurements and tests on the patient some of which may require touch, tap, pinch, different posture alterations and maybe exposure of some body parts. Laboratory and radiological tests may be required from the patient at this stage if necessary.

The treatment proper comes after all these assessment and at this stage, a patient will be expected to dress sporty to allow exposure of necessary body parts only and freedom to make body movements which would otherwise be difficult if dressed gorgeously. The patient will also be expected to remove metallic ornaments (like earrings, finger rings, watch, necklace, bangles) and possibly switch off his/her mobile phones and such devices whose frequency interferes with that of some physiotherapy modalities. It is important to note that a patient must have eaten at least forty-five (45) minutes before a physiotherapy session so as to have energy for the task ahead.

Some of the treatment modalities may induce temperature changes on the patient, some stimulation of some body parts, then diverse exercise programs ranging from passive (which the therapist or a machine does for the patient) to active (which the patient does by himself/herself). In all, the therapist introduces each and possibly subjects himself to it before trying it on the patient. A patient is expected to ask questions where not clear and to call the therapist's attention should any of the treatment modalities starts exceeding his/her normal range of tolerance.

A patient is not expected to dress up and walk away immediately after a physiotherapy session, some patients may suffer syncope in that case. So it is advised that a patient drinks plenty of water and rests for about fifteen to twenty (15-20) minutes after a physiotherapy session before taking his/her leave. The therapist should instruct the patient on a suitable home program ( or ward program if on admission at a/the hospital) and notify him/her when next another physiotherapy session will take place.

I WISH I KNEW

When I got home that night, as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, "I’ve got something to tell you". She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "why?"

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me," you are not a man!" That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd." No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce", she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, "daddy is holding mommy in his arms". His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; "don’t tell our son about the divorce". I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, "Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore."

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead."Do you have a fever?" She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, "I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart".

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, "I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart."

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I ran up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.– At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!